Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
