I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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