i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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