I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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