gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Boobs speak an international language.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
