Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
