I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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