I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize