it was like eating out sand paper
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
