Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Welp...herpes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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