I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
