I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
