what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
