This show inspires me to have sex in space
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
