girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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