Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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