Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
