no, he came in my armpit
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
