at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
