Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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