But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I didn't notice because vodka
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
