Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I want a musical about memes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
