Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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