What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
