My sheets look like a crime scene.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
