Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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