The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
