I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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