just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
