Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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