either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize