WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
