Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize