Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
