Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
