Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
