okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
