I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
