He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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