it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
