Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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