I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
