Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Houston, we have a squirter
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
