I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
