the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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