Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
