Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
