i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize