I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Go christen that room with your naked body.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
