textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize