well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
