listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
