i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
home. puking in laundry basket.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
