I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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