Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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