he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
