She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
smell my finger.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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