census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
