I wish my penis had an off switch
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
