OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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