I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
