thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
