Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize