12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize