these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
