Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
