I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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