At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
