trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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