I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
