Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
