Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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