Yo dont text me then not text me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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