Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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