I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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