I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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