The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
