her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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