i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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