i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
