i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
