I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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