Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
