it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
