I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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