bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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