One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
