very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
