we're blogging at a bar
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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