Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize