happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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