I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
