Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
