im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
